after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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