Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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