New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
