she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
