Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
