It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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