I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
