thus making me awesome and them whores
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
