how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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