It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
