the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize