capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
