is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You made out with two different species that night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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