good thing vaginas are great cup holders
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
