Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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