pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
