Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
