Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
