And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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