My friends, they love my intelligence
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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