Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
