the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
