Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
