dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
