i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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