just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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