his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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