HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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