please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
