I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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