I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
