I think im going to throw up on grandma
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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