he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
