Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
