I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
