Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
