That's when you crack a 10am beer
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
