I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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