I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
