Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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