woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
