I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
