I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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