then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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