hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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