I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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