Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
