i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
