i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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