Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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