I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
