I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There r osticjed everywhere
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize