Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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