I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
