you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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