Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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