The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Randomize
