I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
