you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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