I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
