Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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