Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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