i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
