Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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