I'd wear matching sweaters with you
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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