And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My first STD was from a foam party
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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