He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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