There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
