You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
