This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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