you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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