I want to stick my p in your. b.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize