exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
