I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
