does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hippo gnu deer
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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